You're my little dorito
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
