I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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