I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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