don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
