I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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