the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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