can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
