I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
