Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
