i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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