he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
