absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
