She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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