Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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