you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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