I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
