remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
