As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
