With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
