we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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