Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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