i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
