So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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