Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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