Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
