he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
