my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
