those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
only you would photoshop your dick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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