Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
