I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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