I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
