I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
