How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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