is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
