oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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