the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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