i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
