Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
