it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
