Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
God I need to hump something, right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
