i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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