Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
