We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
