I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
