what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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