So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
