plz talk dirty to me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
