So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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