Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
