dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
