Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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